A 2021 New York Times article asked, “It’s 2021. Why Is ‘Supermom’ Still Around?” The article further defined Supermom syndrome as that archetypal female who is both a career woman and a housewife — whose to-do list spans cooking, cleaning, parenting, earning a substantial paycheck, and sexually satisfying her husband— all without a hair out of place.” New York Times
The pressure to be a “Super Mom” is something many career mothers face. This syndrome involves the unrealistic expectation to excel in every aspect of life, from career to parenting, often at the expense of one’s well-being.
Super Mom Syndrome manifests through a constant drive to be perfect in all roles—mother, professional, and partner. You might find yourself setting impossibly high standards, striving to meet every demand flawlessly. This relentless pursuit of perfection leads to chronic stress, burnout, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy. The toll on your physical, emotional, and mental health is significant as you sacrifice self-care and personal time to maintain the facade of having it all together.
The New York Times article also had a quote from Dr. Vandenberg-Daves:
‘Intensive mothering means “constantly watching out for too much junk food, or making sure kids are getting their sunblock, or being careful about what they’re watching on TV, or ‘stranger-danger,’”. . . “All those things crop up right at the moment when women are also more involved professionally. And it has helped create that sense that no matter what you’re doing as a mother, it’s not enough.”
The key lesson from recognizing Super Mom Syndrome is the importance of self-compassion and balance. Research shows that the pursuit of perfection can lead to significant stress and health issues, including anxiety, depression, and burnout. Embracing a more balanced approach to life, where you set realistic goals and allow yourself to be human, can lead to greater well-being and satisfaction. Practical strategies to overcome Super Mom Syndrome include prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, delegating tasks, and seeking support from your community. Building a legacy of balanced living involves teaching your children the value of self-care and realistic expectations.
A few years ago, a childhood friend, Rema, died unexpectedly. She was in her early fifties and was getting to the point where her children were grown enough to be self-sustaining in the essential roles of daily living, teenagers and above. A mutual friend, Enid, who had kept up with her, narrated how she had missed all kinds of get-togethers, fun events, and friend group trips because she had so many responsibilities. Rema was always ‘doing for her family.’ She took care of everything for her husband, took her in-laws to the doctor, cooked all the meals, took the children to all their events, and kept the home going in an orderly fashion. One day, Enid told us that after weeks of guilt and feeling sorry for Rema’s husband, she went to visit to see if there was anything she could do to help. She expected to find chaos and a lot of needs. Enid found a very peaceful and orderly home. She was very taken aback. When she asked how the family was managing, Rema’s husband told her it was hard, but they were doing okay. Enid was devastated when, over the course of her visit, she discovered that Rema’s husband had hired staff and delegated some of the driving, all the cooking, and most of the housekeeping. He had a golf game to be at that evening.
Enid narrated this story, and many of us, myself included, had an epiphany!
My health was suffering, and I was missing out on meaningful moments with my family. I had made halfhearted efforts before, but it was then that I realized something had to change. I began prioritizing my well-being by setting boundaries, saying no to unnecessary commitments, and asking for help when needed. This shift allowed me to be more present with my family and more effective in my professional role. Letting go of the need to be perfect opened the door to a more balanced and joyful life.
Overcoming Super Mom Syndrome involves making intentional, manageable changes:
- Prioritize self-care by scheduling regular breaks and activities that recharge you. Yes! You can do it. Your friends may have stopped asking you because you always say no to fun activities- call them up!
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and communicate them with your family and colleagues. This is hard, especially if you have always ‘done everything for everybody’.
- Delegate tasks at home and work to lighten your load. Funny things will happen. Nothing will get done to your standards, and you might almost displace your teeth to ‘not say something.’ But, over time, you won’t remember if it is because you lowered your standards or everyone got better at doing the tasks. Either way, your joy will shine through!
- Seek support from your husband, family, and friends, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. See note above.
- Reflect on your goals and adjust them to align with a balanced lifestyle. This is best done prayerfully and thankfully. We mustn’t crowd out time with the Lord and meditate on His word. Having balance in our lives is difficult without acknowledging that God’s grace and providence abound and that so much is out of our control.
- Super Mom Syndrome is a common challenge, but it can be overcome through self-compassion and balance. By setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support, you can reclaim your well-being and build a legacy of balanced living. Stay committed to these practices and witness the positive changes they bring. Join us next week as we explore another aspect of legacy building.
